Producer's Journal

Sometimes I whine about how hard it is to fundraise. I once described it to someone as being the martyr in the traditional tarot deck - a schmuck lying face down in the mud with 10 swords in his back. But a friend reminded me that I find this process hard because it IS hard.

So when I feel my energy flagging I find inspiration in the commitment of the volunteers and interns working on getting Journey to Peace funded. They've been people from 17 to 70 and have included students, parents, professionals in areas including English, Film, Graphics, History, Journalism, Marketing, Conflict Resolution, International Policy, Political Science, Sociology and Psychology.

All this just shows me that it doesn't matter how old you are or what your background or political leaning is, the message of peaceful action to resolve conflict is a message that needs to be told and about which people want to hear. The value of Journey to Peace is confirmed for me daily through the dedication shown to the project and the provocative conversations that take place around it.

So, OK. I pick myself up, dust myself off and go on.

Last year I attended the Real Screen Summit. I prepared for Real Screen by being coached on how to pitch.

The person that coached me on pitching advised me to bullet-point a 30-second "elevator pitch", a 60-second pitch for people who showed interest in the 30-second pitch, and a longer conversation for over dinner or drinks. After practicing the various pitches on her, she kept saying to me, "You've got it all, you know it!" I was thinking she must not know what she's talking about because this was just too easy.

Just for extra insurance, I took a master class on the art of the pitch. When the speaker asked if people wanted to practice their pitch, my hands got clammy. I thought there is no way that I want to talk in front of a 100 people. Then I thought if I wasn't going to do it in that supportive environment, then I wasn't going to be pitching the people I really wanted to pitch. After a couple of people went up, I thought, "Well I can do at least that well." He then had me stand there and stand there and stand there while other things were going on and I was getting unbelievably nervous. I found myself sweating, in places that I didn't know I had sweat glands.

The participants and the speaker responded very well to the pitch. So then I was like "All right!" Suddenly it was like I had a hammer and every single person that brushed passed me was a nail. I turned into a madwoman that evening and the whole next day pitching anyone within ear-shot. Just as I was beginning to feel pitched-out, a woman in an elevator asked me if I was the one to pitch that Nobel Peace Prize project. It turns out she was a European/Asian distributor. Ok, that was cool.

At one point, my energy began to flag. I sat down in the lounge to have a cup of coffee and mope. And this disheveled unhappy looking guy decided to plop down next to me. Neither one of us wanted to talk, he said he was just talked out and I said me too and then I found myself going straight into my pitch. It turns out he has a co-production company in the UK. Alright, somebody else to follow up with.

The next day they had an activity called speed pitching - kind of like speed dating. I was ready, I had practiced my moves like a boxer in training. In speed pitching, you have exactly 3 minutes to make your pitch each round. I got some yes's and some no's, and it really honed my ability to slant the pitch of the project to each listener.

Just before going to the airport, there was this guy talking with a brogue. So I asked him if he was from Ireland. I wasn't going to pitch him but instead ask about an Irish television station and see if I could pitch them. It turns out that he does some co-production and was interested in hearing about Journey to Peace. After all, he's Irish. Alright, going out with a pitch!

I no longer feel like a madwoman, but I'm always ready to pitch to anyone who will listen, and even some who don't know they want to listen. If you have $25,000 or a distribution contract, leave your phone number in the comments, and I'll pitch you!

"There are those that claim, If you're currently not paying your rent with this, then it's just a hobby." For me, "this" refers to Journey to Peace.

That attitude really strikes a nerve with me, because for the first time in my life, I'm not paying my mortgage by making films. It calls into question my own insecurities. I've always been making films...

Currently, I'm teaching documentary filmmaking to high school students and have another non-related job (which calls in the skills I employ as a filmmaker) to support the development of Journey to Peace, until I receive funding. So for someone to say, "If you're not supporting yourself with what you do, then it's just a hobby". Excuse me, I'm self-supporting the development of the documentary - a time-honored and unfortunate way to make films.

It makes me want to slap those folks silly. Which, by the way, is antithetical to the message of the film.

In a recent issue of the Independent (Association of Film and Videomakers monthly) there was a brief article on people who work other jobs while they make films - films that have been recognized by major festivals, such as Sundance. The Independent even referenced something I'm fond of citing: Wallace Stevens, a well-known and loved poet, worked in insurance all his life. Because he worked in insurance, was he not a poet? During his lifetime, people argued that he wasn't; yet he left this legacy of poetry. So I figure if he's a poet, I'm a filmmaker. It's a passion and a commitment. How dare you?!

After reading the article, I decided to fight this battle with knowledge and words instead of fisticuffs (my personal journey to peace if you will). So I got out my dictionary and looked up:


Hmmm. Journey to Peace is my 1st job, teaching is my 2nd job, and a management desk-job is my 3rd job. I don't have any leisure time, so how could this be a hobby?

So then I looked up:


Ha! It appears that the job vs. hobby debate may be spurious. Oh, and by the way, perhaps those folks that claim that filmmakers like myself are engaging in "hobby" are people intent on only turning out "product".

Verbal fisticuffs, anyone?

I have had the opportunity of hearing others share their personal stories of struggling to respond peacefully to conflict since I've started this project. The underlying cause of their anger, revenge, hatred and violence seems to always be connected to some basic issues: territory, privilege (or lack thereof), poverty, corruption, or identity.

One of the most profound struggles between my spouse and myself involved identity. I was unhappy with my relationship - no news there; we all experience that at one time or another. What was unique about this particular period of time was that I was studying something called ontology - the study of language and how we create our reality through it - with the Newfield Group. In this modality, language has three key components: linguistics, body and emotion.

What I discovered was that the negative assessments I was holding about my husband were representative of negative assessments I had at one time held about myself. None of these assessments were based in fact. They were stories that I had created about him to make some sense out of everything at the time. I'm sure the realization was in the making for some time, but it felt like it came to me on a conscious level all at once. I could physically feel my entire world crumbling. I was shaking and barely able to speak. For those who know me intimately, a lack of speech on my part is not a possibility!

I became conscious of the fact that I didn't know the man that I was married to since many of my thoughts were based on a few misapplied core beliefs. I was terrified to go home and discover that I didn't know him at all. And if he wasn't who I had thought him to be, who the heck was I in this relationship? Feeling sick to my stomach, I called to share my epiphany with him. His first words were "So now are you going to be more open and flexible toward me?" My contriteness instantly turned to indignation. I had just spent months of self-discovery and Michael had me pegged all along! However, this initial dialogue led to a new journey of discovery with a different mindset for both of us.

What does this very personal and intimate story have to do with the message of Journey to Peace? According to Mairead Corrigan Maguire, one of the biggest struggles the people of Northern Ireland have experienced in moving from the violence of The Troubles to the dialogue through which they now use to solve their differences is the desire to hold on to a particular identity. Identity rests in the mind of individuals and in the collective conscience of society. Changing that identity and the filters we (as individuals or as societies) look through is difficult and can be terrifying. It allows us to function in the world around us, can serve as a survival mechanism, and also sometimes works against us. There is wisdom in remaining open to new possibilities and not being too attached to whom we think we, or others, are.

Aung San Suu Kyi, one of the Nobel Peace Laureate's who will be featured in the film said to me, "... conflict, of course, begins in the mind, after all. So whether it's with people close to you or people who are very distant from you, the beginnings of resolution from conflict have to come from the mind."

What are the odds...
Today I was on a technical help line and got to talking with a number of (unusually) polite telephone operators. Since I speak about Journey to Peace with just about everyone, it wasn't long before I was sharing the project with them. They were enthusiastic and curious -- and the last person I spoke to stayed past "quitting time" to talk more about it. The experience reminded me of how neccessary Journey to Peace is and how its effects on people are endless. Even if it's just on the other side of the telephone.

Producing a doc is much like giving birth - you forget the pain of laboring through the previous one 'til your smack in the middle of laboring on another one. Waaaaouch!